Recently I posted about chakra exercises and noticing that my root and sacral chakras were weak and needed some growth. Well, it took some time to get around to healing these because the cold was really wearing me down. I’ve finally found some relief from the cold and was able to get to the gym today for Zumba.
I have never tried Zumba before, but I did some reading on healing root chakras and dancing was one of activities recommended for grounding. It was amazing. I couldn’t believe how easily I learned the steps. Normally, I think I’m pretty slow at picking up dance moves, but this just came to me. I really felt the music and my inner energy felt lighter after the hour of Zumba.
Then, there happened to be a yoga class right after. Normally, there isn’t a yoga class on Wednesdays, but tonight it was posted that due to increased demand, they were adding it. So, I stuck around for some yoga and was surprised to learn that tonight’s focus was on the sacral chakra. Hooray, synchronicity strikes again! I go to the gym to get some chakra work done and end up with two activities to heal the very two chakras that need balancing. Nice!
And as usual with the Universe, there is a test to be taken after proper preparation. Shiva came over unexpectedly tonight. The on again off again situation has been difficult to adjust to. When I started this blog, we weren’t talking and I thought we’d never talk again. Now, we bounce from happiness, to arguments, to not speaking, and the wide range in between. The relationship may be some roller coaster that we both wish to depart from and yet never want to leave, but it is proving itself to be quite a growth opportunity. I digress, so he comes in, sits down, and immediately begins to pick a fight. Good thing for me that I had a lot of grounding and self esteem building earlier, because after entertaining the pointless argument for a few minutes, I ended up asking him to leave and he did.
I’m not glad that he left, I wish he would have stayed and had an honest heart to heart like we shared last night. Sometimes, these arguments start rough and end with very enlightening conversations on things each of us could have done better and should consider in the future for any and all relationships we have. We have been able to really be honest with one another. Of course, brutal honesty isn’t easy to take and many times ends up in tears and frustration for both of us. Its painful when someone tells you something bad about yourself, like “I think you only tell partial truths, leave things out all the time, are too technical about the truth, I feel like I’m always talking to an attorney” or “you never opened up, you never told me anything, you always expected me to give up myself, to be honest, to be forthcoming, while you kept your secrets.” But, what catharsis!!!!
I feel like these interactions with Shiva are the best sort of therapy I’ve ever had. I can really break down so much of my inner harbored emotions that I never realized were so closely connected. Now, things seems more clear and I can really heal from some events as far back as elementary school. I can’t believe I’ve been carrying so much anger and frustration, sadness, and pain for so long. I thought, I’d just moved over it. Maybe, I never will, but at least I can know that about myself now. And he’s learning a lot about himself that he never knew. Its incredibly difficult to learn things about yourself that you’ve denied your whole life as a form of egoism.
I can’t believe that I stood up for myself when I normally would react with a combination of insults and anger mixed with a dash of regret and co dependence. Well, my hips are sore, but my heart finally can feel some relief.