Dil to Pagal Hai: Crazy Love Story

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The film is great, but the message is greater. When we are in love, we are crazy. We do unreasonable things, all thoughts of what we should do go out the window. My relationship with Shiva has had this element of crazy meets beautiful romance drama. But do we long for the love or for the drama? In my case, they are both wrapped into one.
Our love story is a dramatic one, filled with mystery, intrigue, passion, surprise. The lovers begin as strangers that find themselves living together under less than typical circumstances. They are blessed with two intermediaries in the form of a child and a sincere, empathetic friend. When, they meet, the spark is there. Clear and bright, both recognize it and log it into their respective journals. Afraid of what the spark will lead to they attempt to suppress it, but neither intermediary will allow it.
After months of thoughtful gazes, two a.m. soulful lessons, heartfelt question/answer sessions over home blended loose tea, the two find themselves walking in the warm sunshine of the south gazing upon local works of art. They share their first meal, their first concert, their first donation to the homeless, and their first brief touch. A brush against the skin of one hand to another and sharing a gaze filled with sparkles in their eyes. The music of live performers and the scent of incense from a vendor adding to the sunset lit moment.
Flash forward to a first “date” a warm night lit by a full moon, Both have found themselves secluded in a back corner of a large boisterous table full of friends who know each other well. Shiva knows one person at the other end, and I know no one. Our sequestration leads to another shared meal and quiet whispers to each other. These unheard thoughts about the rest of our company only gives us an excuse to lean in closer to one another, hoping to have yet another brush of a nose against a chin, or a giggle shared with those crows feet in his eyes. All amounting to a gleeful bike ride home. Just before reaching home, he says, “are you a lover or a fighter?” and I answer, “a lover, of course”. He nudges me gently, “but what do you love that you’d fight for?” and all I can think is, “you.”
The first kiss, as with all first kisses, a momentous occasion. One that leads up to itself with immense tension. And in this case permission. It’s so close and so far, but neither dare step too far forward into it. They wait, and finally Shiva breaks the silence, “May I kiss you?”
Is it enough that the story already feels like a far flung chick flick? Do they dare add lyrics to their madness? Oh, they dare. A song that become’s Shiva’s song, one that becomes a metaphor for the entire relationship, one based in their unified love of math and its definition of the universe. A song with lyrics founded in the enigma that is infinity, the limitless experience of love, the boundless range of possibilities that comes with finding one’s soul-mate.
From more joint love songs shared with one another to impromptu adventures to the natural springs and the warm blue oceans to the tallest waterfall in the land, to cities and vast open land, from one corner of the country to the other.
The love story is filled with the surprises from uplifting tales of overcoming childhood fears to facing the despair of family disapproval. There are mysteries about the other uncovered, barriers stretched and boundaries broken. There are disappearances and reappearances and plenty of tears and laughter.
Are all love stories this way? The human drama dictating our paths? Here, I am writing about my past 2+ years as though it were a movie review. But that’s how it feels now.
Shiva is gone and silent. He neither returns calls or texts, didn’t even acknowledge when I told him I was in the hospital and barely able to breathe. I hear from our good friend, that he’s pained, just as much as I am, that he’s trying to be honorable, to let me move on, to refrain from giving me false hope. Yet another climax in our story is here, do we make it, do we fix it? How many love stories see the lovers separated by some force only for a great awakening to happen and force them back together? Is my heart crazy for believing in such things? Most friends say, “let it go”, “there are more fish in the sea.” And here I am, willing to starve if not have the fish that is mine.
“No,” I tell myself, “I won’t give up on this love, I won’t accept a limit on infinity.” And so I focus my energies on manifesting our reunion, Completely with suspense, song, and cheesy romantic flare.

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